You will, mama?



… Mom, and you will wait for me – when will I come? When you feel bad in the morning, you’ll sleep for days and swear with your dad from scratch. When you have a terrible pain in the coccyx or pubis, and your legs will become like two hemp. Maybe it will not happen, but if suddenly, yes? Will you wait for me with the same love, Mom?

… Mom, and you will remember me – when it really hurts? When you suddenly lose your breath and scream from unbearable. When the fire burns your stomach and crotch, and I – will start to be born. Mom, will you remember that it’s even harder for me now?

… Mom, but you can sincerely love me, when I will not let you sleep at night, I tear your nipples into the blood and I will not lie a minute without you next to me? When you lose yourself in diapers, you will forget how to comb your hair, and the circles under your eyes will become deep and unhappy. Mom, can you teach me how to love – when will it be difficult for you, like never before?

… Mom, and you will take me when I start rolling up the hysteria in the store, rolling on the floor and giving up everything, especially – from continuing to be a part of you. When I’m unbearable, frantic, testing your patience at the very limit – will you still take me and embrace me with the same tenderness, Mom?

… Mom, but you can stay calm – when I go to school, I’ll become so independent and start furiously interested in the outside world, much more than you. When I turn my back on you and start falling in love and dreaming, be friends and quarrels, seek and learn, and you will cease to be the first in my thoughts. Mom, can you still be my support?

… Mom, and you will continue to love me – when I become a teenager, I will pierce my nostril, try a cigarette? When I leave without demand and come back later than promised. Or not return at all. When I say that you do not catch up with anything, I’ll write a couple of poems about death and lose my virginity. Can you remain understanding and sincerely interested in my new world, Mom?

… Mom, and you can ask for forgiveness – when I go to a dead end of growing up, and suddenly I will remember all the children’s insults that you have done to me? When I come to you and splash out all my pain in your face. When I cry and say – I never want to be like you! When I stop seeing all the love and care that you gave me. Mom, you can then, humbly and without losing face, ask for forgiveness for your mistakes, well, please, Mom?

… Mom, and then, you can forget all the differences and just help – when my own children are born, and it will be hard and difficult for me, as never before in my life? It’s as hard as you were with me. You can, without teaching and recognizing my right to educate my children in the way I think is right, just help me and love with all my heart, your grandchildren, but become just a grandmother, Mom?

… Mom, and then … will you be, Mom?

When my children grow up, and I really will learn to love and thank you for life. When I begin to accept your shortcomings and sincerely admire your merits. When I appreciate all the love that you gave me and continue to give.

When I understand that you are my most wonderful mother in the world. The only one.

Please, Mom, you then – be. Just stay with me.

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